This (Crazy) Train Is Bound For Glory

Give me your tired, your poor, Your huddled masses yearning to stay white

Well, frumps, for a weekend in September, this one was not without its entertainment value.  After six months of feverish organizing, strategizing and publicizing the tea bag brigade finally took their crazy-quilt message to the Capitol to lay it on the “Powers that Be (get used to it).”   I have to admit it’s been especially fascinating to watch the 912 Project blossom. 

When teabaggery first plopped on the scene, I saw it as a quaint, harmless touch of Americana – something akin to corndogs or Revolutionary War re-enactments.  I, and so many others in the Boomer Bracket, lived through and participated in a lot of far more confrontational grassroots movements that made the first “tea parties” look like, well . . . tea parties.   (You really know you’re getting somewhere when they break out the water cannons and riot gear).

But then somebody hit the Tea Party Movement with the Ugly Stick.  Political party operatives were only too happy to have a few All-American looking crowds to do their dirty work; the teabaggers, in turn, were flattered to have political attention.  (Maybe there will be less of a need for them now that Joe Wilson has “broken the ice” on Congressional decorum and civility).

Some might argue that there’s a difference between our older Lefty protests and today’s Astroturf demonstrations underwritten by the Right.  My answer to that, having witnessed both, is “even if you put lipstick on a pig . . . “  One thing that I can say with certainty is that, totally drunk and stoned out of our minds, my generation was so very much better at “taking it to the streets.”  And we did it without cell phones, Photoshop, the Internet or capitalist sponsors.

And your point . . . ?

I think, if one is at all open-minded, there is a lot to be learned from the past on this particular front.  So, in a spirit of outreach, I’m willing to share some of my generation’s acquired lore on effective grassroots campaigning and all of you tea-baggers out there can take it or leave it . . . one word of warning, though, a movement like yours can only handle so many major public fails before it has to go away.  You might want to look for a leader with a longer attention span, a more coherent position, and who might actually show up once in a while . . . just saying.

Okay, boys and girls, it’s Grassroots 101 and I’m calling this the “9 Project Workshop.”  Here are the 9 Principles of credible demonstration.  We’ll work on Virtues at the next meeting:

1. Pick a name that says what you’re about instead of something that sounds like a lock combination.  It takes three times longer to grow your ranks if people have to ask “What’s a 912 Project”?  I can relate to your difficulty in refining a name because, obviously, the 912 Project is sooooo many, many things – too numerous to mention.  Maybe if there actually are nine hundred and twelve things that you’re against, it could work . . . but if it’s really about those 9 Principles and 12 Virtues (that FreedomWorks seems to have jettisoned, anyway) – lose it - too cult-y.

2. Leaking phony bomb threats may make you look like a force important enough to threaten but, more often, it gets you into trouble and you wind up looking really, really lame.  Patience, comrades, threats have to be earned the old-fashioned way.

3. You need to attract at least a few smart people who understand your protest conceptually.  You can use them for elitist stuff like talking on camera, historical references, fact-checking and spelling . . .

4. If you think you’re ready to take your protest to the National level, it’s always best to do it on a weekday (ideally, when Congress is in session) – see, DC is one of those towns that empties out on the weekend, so you’ve spent a whole lot of time, money and energy getting all dressed up with no place to go. 

 
5. This isn’t Tehran, so if you’re going to post up YouTube vids and mocked-up photos of the crowd from Eisenhower’s inauguration, with flags at half-mast and no leaves on the trees, you’ll probably be exposed for the idiot, albeit well-intentioned, that you are.

6. Along those lines, if you want to go around saying that you are a “Silent Majority,” (or any other kind of majority, for that matter), you might want to do a headcount first to save yourself future embarrassment.  We’ve all been to Frat parties and know that it’s much easier to make a total public ass of oneself when we feel like we’re part of “something big and historic.”

7. Politicians are not your new Best Friends.  The old adage still holds true today: “If you build a bandwagon, some pumped up incumbent will be sure to jump on.”  (And, like the Prom Queen, will dump you when the next hot prospect comes along).

8. Sometimes it’s more effective to be “For” something rather than “Against” something.  Of course that involves figuring out what you are “For,” which is ever so much harder than figuring out what you’re against.  You can be “Against” everything and no one will tread on you; but, if you’re “For” everything, well, that just sounds wimpy, doesn’t it?  So you have to narrow it down.

9. Think for yourself – I can say, with some certainty, that if you’ve read this far, you’re way smarter than Glenn Beck anyway.

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